Why “If Only” Keeps You Stuck (And What to Say Instead)

When I was in my corporate game, I remember telling myself that I would get more done and have more control of my work if only I was running my own gig.

Imagine the articles I would write, the books I would publish, the difference I could make when my voice was front and center instead of someone else’s.

Imagine the power my words would have when I’m no longer writing by committee.

When all my energy is devoted to what I want to say and how I want to say it. No roadblocks, no bosses, no flybys to upend my delicately balanced plans.

I could finally be myself.

Just imagine!

I would daydream about all that between daily outputs and talk a good game with those around me.

Just watch, when I hang my own shingle I’m going to blow it up. You’re gonna want to get out of the blast zone because it’s gonna be hot.

Well, here we are. And guess what?

The “if only” broadcast is still airing. I’ve lost track of the seasons.

In fact, it’s airing in 8K the longer I’m in business for myself and simulcast on Times Square size billboards.

The If/Only Channel

When my critical “shoulda” voice appears, it hands me excuses for why I’m not where I want to be, wrapped in “if only” containers.

• If only I had a better writing setup…
• If only I had more time to be better at social media…
• If only I had a better (and consistent) place to make videos…
• If only I had more resources to make it more excellent…
• If only I had the discipline to hunker down and get more done…

This voice shuffles itself into the chair next to me every morning without fail. I hear it every time I open my laptop, or start something challenging.

I’ve stopped trying to get it to go away.

You hear me say often enough, stopping something isn’t a good goal. Your brain will always go towards its most dominant thought.

So the more I focus on trying to make the “if only” voice go away, the stronger it gets.

Instead, I treat it like an uninvited guest and hope it gets a clue. I keep right on working as it sits perched in its figurative chair poking me with my shortcomings.

Once I get moving, it starts to shut up. It taps me on the shoulder from time to time, but once I’m invested, I can just wave it off.

After a while, I completely forget it’s there.

For now.

Because the next day, it shows up like we are besties and yesterday never happened.

It’s a constant boundary I have to set for myself.

How much more do I want to put off making something really cool?

If I want to make cool things, then I have to move in that direction no matter what my internal town square has to say about it.

“If only” projects me into a future where conditions are so perfect that I just can’t fail.

“If/then” says do the thing in front of you, and the next thing becomes possible.

• If I write where I am right now, then I learn what setup works and what doesn’t.
• If I post today, then I find out what people actually respond to.
• If I record sitting right where I am, then I’ll have an actual video to build on.
• If I use the resources I already have, then I’ll know better what I really need.
• If I take the next action in front of me, then I create the track record discipline is built on.

“If/then” gives me the committed action steps to walk right into the cool thing.

If only I had realized this sooner…

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