The Pink Elephant Problem: Why Your Goals Don’t Stick

Stopping doing something isn’t a goal.

I know, that sounds backwards.

We’re trained to make lists of what we want to quit.

• The bad habit that’s so automatic.
• The unhealthy pattern we always double-dutch into.
• The relationship type we keep getting caught up in.
• The food we keep reaching for.

We call those lists goals.

You want to stop eating so much.
You want to stop feeling so stuck.
You want to stop ending up in the same relationships over and over again.

Fair enough. But here’s the problem.

Your brain will always go toward its most dominant thought.

If I told you to stop thinking about pink elephants right now, what pops in your mind?

Seriously.

Stop thinking about pink elephants.

WHATEVER YOU DO, don’t think about pink elephants.

If you’re constantly thinking about what you want to stop doing, guess what you’re focused on? The very thing you don’t want to think about.

That’s the trap.

Frame your goals in terms of what you DO want.

• You want to fuel your body so it has what it needs to keep you healthy.
• You want to focus on specific small actions to get some momentum on something new.
• You want to choose relationships where you can build healthy communication and conflict resolution skills.

Your brain can’t act on “stop.” It can only move toward something. Give it something to move toward.

Now focus on the tactics you need to get there.

• A nutrition plan that prioritizes your specific health challenges and goals.
• A project plan with some initial activities to get that side gig going.
• A course to build your communication and conflict resolution skills so you can recognize healthy behaviors in the wild.

With all your time now focused on what you want, you simply may have less time for pink elephants.

Unless that’s what you want.